Right now in the world there is a lot of talk against men. The very thought of this article is probably going to be met by many with a “Fuck em… they need to learn what it’s like to be on the shit side of life for a while!” If that is your response that so be it. It is natural to want to attack those who have attacked you.
If you are a woman whose been “kept down” (even if it is really a creation in your mind) by men then you see all men as the enemy. Ok, you choose that relationship with men. You choose to make an adversary of half the population, and namely the other half of the human identity. It’s a bold move let me know how that works out for you.
For those of you that don’t want to have an enemy in 50% of the world’s population here is a guide to helping some of the men in your life navigate the negativity in their world and to be their best selves.
Forgive him. You won’t understand his role in your life until you are him if ever. Could he have done better, probably. If you are a grown adult (which if you are not stop reading, this site is not for you) then accept he did what he did. It may not have done his best but there is no changing it. If you are angry at him you are just hurting yourself. Distance sure… but forgive.
If none of the above apply, and you had a great time even some of the time. Show him gratitude. He’s been freaking out for years that you are screwed up and it’s his fault. You can take the weight off the shoulders of someone who loves you to just let him know, “I got this. Thank you for getting me this far.” Gratitude is other side of forgiveness. It sets you free.
Understand him. You can think things were different for him than you. Being a guy… yeah they were. But look, nothing is easy for anyone. He dealt with rejection in a way you don’t understand. He dealt with every bit of identity and personality issues you did. Just different. He probably didn’t arrive where he is now without some damage, just like you. If you want to talk difference, well he can’t show it. He might not even be able to acknowledge it. If he didn’t have an example of what being a man is today then he may be lost, confused, angry, or all of the above. Be patient with him and encourage him. If nothing else be a good part of his life so he knows where the peace is when he needs it.
Help him. Really. Tell him you love and support him. Show him you love and support him. Never take him for granted. Help him be his best self. Above all, don’t be difficult. Be an active partner. It’s not just you that likes romantic gestures, flowers, and candy. When was the last time you got him a gift? A comic book at the grocery store… candy… a toy… anything? So many women don’t but at the same time expect flowers and surprises. It’s not fair. Guys accept that, but it still sucks. You may never know the stress of having to be leader in a relationship, it can be the source of his greatest strength and his greatest stress all at once. Help him. Whenever possible don’t be difficult, pick a restaurant, plan a date, do something different for him. The biggest thing you can offer is your affection. Simply put, guys love to chase you… if you love him be easier to catch. Treat him like he is the best man in your life and he will rise to that occasion.
Be at peace with them. Trust me, I know you need to be or at least appear strong to get by in the world. Instead of treating everyone like the enemy and letting hate into your life, live by this principle, “Make savage the body, Civilize the mind.” Be ready for an enemy, but have your mind ready to accept dialogue and make peace. Think over the events of the last few days.
My principle are…
To be at peace with myself and the world.
To be ready for war with myself and world.
To be my best self and help all those would want help to be their best selves.
I hope you share these principle with me. The events of the last few days are not the actions of those who are at peace with themselves. They are the actions of the scared, the hurt, and angry. While that is understandable it is not a place of peace with one’s self and therefore is a poor place to go to war from.
Be at peace with yourselves ladies. Work to be at peace with the world around you. Prepare for war, but seek peace.