Accepting the Worst…

2015-05-12-exhausted

 

Anyone who knows me knows a few things about me.

  • I am worrier; the compulsive type.
  • I am a man of action, I have to be doing something.

These two things seem contrary and they are.  That’s kind of the point.  I worry about a great many things.

When I was a little kid I would worry about my older brothers wandering off in the store and getting taken.  I had nightmares about my family being in danger.  This was like when I was four.

I became paralyzed with worry for the first time when I learned my Dad was going to die.  I was seven and my mom told us that he’s sick and he’s not going to be getting better.  I went to the backyard of my grandmother’s house and sat in a tree and cried.

I was worried.

I remembering telling myself, “This is it.  This is how people become homeless.  No one is born homeless, this is how it happens.”  I was also obsessed with the fact that I now would only have one parent.  If anything happened to my mom I would have to live with my aunt who I did not get along with.  It would mean moving away too.

My life was over.  In that moment our house was gone and my mother was dead along with my dad.  The worst case scenario played out in my head.

I remember feel like I couldn’t do anything.  I felt compelled to try but couldn’t.  I racked my brain for hours, days, weeks, and months.  I had to do something.  I accepted the worst circumstances as realty and decided to prepare myself for them.  I started to discipline myself, read more, and become more self-reliant.

As a result, to this day I am more self-reliant than any of my brothers.  I know how to fix things, reason things out, take care of myself, improve myself and be self-reliant.

Do I worry less?  No.  Not even a little.  Possibly more.

There are things you can change.  This whole blog is all about being your best yourselves.  Sometimes acceptance of a limitation is the first step finding your best self.

You can change how you act.  You can change how you respond.  But deep down…

I will always worry.  Again, compulsively.

BUT it doesn’t stop me.

At the next lowest part of my life I was out of shape, newly divorced, fresh out of foreclosure, deep in debt, and living in a rented room at a friend’s house.

I had plenty to worry about.

And I did.

But it didn’t stop there.  I had to act.  Act or die, literally.

I accepted the worst scenarios of circumstances as realty and started again.

 

I decided who I wanted to be.

I decided what I needed to do.

I decided who I wanted to be with.

 

A lot of people say that worry is like a weight that wears you down.  Their advice is take it off and put it down.  I wish it were so easy.  It sounds like a fairy tale to me sometimes.

You look at people drowning in debt and unable to stop.  You look at people dying from eating and can’t stop.  They constantly break down and cry (it’s all very TV/Facebook friendly).  Why can’t they just put down there worry?  Because they fucking can’t!

You can’t just stop having your problems.  You just can’t stop worrying.  It doesn’t work like that.  You need to own it.  Harder yet, accept it.  Its not going anywhere.

 

My advice, for those who find themselves like me, is learn to lift it.  Learn to be stronger.

 

It will bend you, but it won’t break you.

It’s heavy, get stronger.

Learn to rest, but only when it’s earned.

 

There is no magic formula to stop worrying.  You just learn to be stronger.  That’s it.

No pretty pictures.  No inspirational quotes.  You will fail.  Let me make that clear.

You will fail.

You will fall.

You will have bad days… weeks… months…  but you will get stronger.  Do the work and you will get stronger.  Head down, shoulder in, be savage.

It will hurt.  Listen, that’s life!

When you are worried, and you feel paralyzed, face it.  Accept the realistic worst case scenario as fact.  Acknowledge the world has not ended and do something.

You are in debt.  You will have to pay it off.  It will take years.  It is going to hurt.  Accept it.

Do your budget.  Cut deep.  Get it done.

You got dumped.  You are alone.  What was your fault and what was there?  It hurts.  It won’t kill you.  You will move on because you have to.

Decided who you want to be and who you what to be with.  Do what you need to do.  Accept what you need to accept.

You are sick and out of shape.  You can’t fucking eat like that anymore.  You have to exercise.

Find an exercise you like and do it.  No excuses.  No being tired from work.  No being stressed.

You are tired and stressed because you didn’t exercise.  Face it.  No one made you this way but you.

You don’t like your condition, where and how you live.  What are you going to do about it?

 

Finally…

 

You are not wrong for worrying.  Stop beating yourself up about it.

You are entitled to your worry as long as you earn it.  If you are a fucking dynamo of improvement, work, and self-reliance then you are entitled to worry about whatever you want.  You are entitled to your worry, your happiness, and the life you make for yourself.

Did you do something today about what you worry about?  Then you earned it.

 

Worry won’t stop you.  Keep going.  You will be stronger.

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