When is it Wisdom to Fail?


Failure is hard thing to accept.

Inherent to the concept of failure is “being not good enough” and many people have a hard time admitting that.  In a world where people are being forced into equality more and more, Failure is the great equalizer.  You can hand out participation trophies all day, you can bail out businesses until there is no more money, and you lower every standard possible…  but someone will always have a natural talent to hit faster, harder, and better.

Pretend that everyone is equal, but you are doing just that, pretending.  It will never be true.

So, when is it wisdom to accept that you are not good enough.

I admit it all the time.

There are sports I’m not good at.  There are video games I hate because I am terrible at them.  I can’t singe or keep rhythm on an instrument.




It is easy when the task at hand doesn’t matter.

But what about when it does?

What about a sport you are good at but someone is better?

What about a job that you need to be able to do to pay your bills?

What about a relationship that should be right just can’t work out?


My First Failure


The first time I really failed was at a tournament.  I trained all year to go to my first open tournament.  I got my friends, teammates, and even my new wife to come.  I never let my girlfriends come to my tournaments so as my wife this was a big deal.  I had just gotten my second degree black belt and I wanted to win in front of all of them.

I went to a traditional karate school and while we weren’t wusses we didn’t fight full contact.  We had a strict sense of respect and safety.

My match comes up and my opponent is out for blood.  He was out of control and looking to hurt me.  I pleaded with the rep that he was out of control and was chided for being too soft.  I threw the rest of the match.  I defended everything and ran down the clock.

I was not prepared for blood sport and I didn’t want to win if it meant doing that kind of damage to someone.  (I later started MMA and got over this in the proper context)

I was eliminated in the first round.  I failed.  I was a failure.  In front of everybody.  Months of hard work were washed away.

After my match I went and found the promoter.  I was pissed and rug him back to the ring just in time to see my opponents next round up.  As we argued at ringside about safety and honor my former opponent kicked his current victim in the back of the head so hard he got knocked out and fell face first to the gym floor.  His eye socket orbital bones thing shattered.  His face became a curtain of blood and his eyeball fell behind his cheek.

He was seriously fucked up and probably in a permanent way.

I turned to promoter and told him to enjoy his law suit and walked away.

I was still pissed about the whole thing and going over it with my coach later.

He told me after I left that Both those fighters were disqualified and the ring was shut down after that.  Technically speaking even with a loss I was the only competitor to fight “successfully” in my division and was given 1st place.  He, rightly so, declined on my behalf.  He told me I won through having the wisdom of when to lose.


 When It Is Wise to Fail


Time and again in my life I’ve had to be wise enough to accept failure.


For the sake of my faith I had to walk away from the church.

For the sake of my sanity and pride I had to walk from a terrible job after five years.

For the sake of my happiness I had to let my wife and marriage go.

For sake of her happiness I had to let the next woman I loved go.

Each of these can be called, and rightly so, a failure.


However, you consider the alternative.


Giving up on my faith, my spirituality, the best parts of me for a job of words and stone but not spirit.

To try again and again to do the right thing only to drowned out in a chorus of what’s easy, cheap, or we can get away with.

To give up my identity, myself, and my soul to stay in marriage that had lost all meaning.

To force a woman who couldn’t “make it work” to be someone she can’t be while making me into the same monster from my first marriage.

Avoiding each of these can be called, and rightly so, a success.

Wisdom is about perspective, not spin, knowing when failure is actually success and success is really a sad failure.




The Lies of Stouffers. Lies Damned Lies.

Watch the commercial here:

Mrs. Stouffers Company History Commerical


“By 1924 Mrs. Stouffer raised two boys, INSPIRED a business in Cleveland, and raised the standard for easy homemade family meals.”

What the absolute fuck?  Does this seem fake to anyone else?

Here’s the actual history:

Stouffers Wiki Article


A father and son started a creamery.  The wife and mother was there too.  Sure she was inspirational…  but  what else?

Was she running the business and posing for photos (the frozen food scene in the 1940’s was hot news… WHAT A SCOOP!) All while her sheepish dumb faced husband looks on!  To that point how old is he in this commercial?  14?


I’ll ask again, what does that mean to “inspire a business”?  That is some fancy footwork with the words Stouffer.  Everything just short of bold face making shit up.

Did she inspire her husband to resign his job to run one of the creamery’s dairy stands?

Did she inspire him to turn it into restaurant?

Oh, here it is…

The Stouffers converted the operation into a restaurant which served buttermilk, sandwiches, and Lena Stouffer’s homemade dutch apple pie[2] (credited by some as the reason for the almost instant success of the restaurant).


She made a fucking apple pie!  (Probably more than one…  but there’s not evidence of that and I’m a male chauvinist soooo…)


Her sons took the company public.  Her sons diversified the business and set it up to be what it is today.  Was she a great wife, a great mother, a help to the business?  Damn right.

Was she the fucking founder?

Was the reason for the long term success and global domination?


So why does this commercial exist?

Stouffers is lying to you ladies.  They are telling you these lies and at best half-truths so you will feel like a “empowered” and buy their feminist understanding products.  You are being pandered too.

They are using you.  Do not reward this bullshit with money.

Women do not need to take credit for the work of others in order to be great.

Why not make this commercial about family?

Why not make this commercial about immigrants who worked hard?


Nope, in their sexist minds Mom does the shopping.  Lie to mom.  Lie right to her face, and she’ll thank you for the privilege.


You know what?  They don’t even make fucking DUTCH APPLE PIE ANYMORE!

Look no pie!


Ladies if you are looking to give your money to someone who respects women as business leaders, mothers, and wives  try here:

The Story of Marie Callenders (AND THEY STILL SELL PIES!!)

(Note:  I am still a chauvinist and you should not trust this link that I may or may not have typed with my penis.)